Categories
Dreams

My Brother GC Dies

Dream 1

Last night I barely remember any of my dream fragments and I think that one of them involved a strange game that some of my brothers were playing that combined elements of a board game, video game, and virtual reality or another reality; I think that I was able to move between the real world where they were and into another world that was virtual reality or another reality, where their actions in the real world were effecting/affecting, as they played their board game or whatever it was.

But that is all that I can remember of that dream fragment.

Dream 2

I do remember some of the dream before that one, which took place at my parent’s house.

I remember waking up in the dream and I woke my brother GC up to tell him that it was time for him to get ready for college / his college classes for the day, and he made a mumbling noise like he did not feel like getting out of bed and that he was tired; and so I told him that he needed to get ready soon, but he could sleep a few more minutes.

He did not open his eyes exactly but his eye lids moved and he seemed tired & he did not move very much, but he heard me, and so I just assumed that he was being his normal lazy self and/or that he had not gotten enough sleep again as usual; and I wondered if he felt a bit sick, but I did not think that it was anything serious.

I got back in bed and I went to sleep in the dream again, later I woke up in the dream again, and I went to see if my brother GC was out of bed yet; but he was still in bed, so I told him to get up, but he did not respond.

I shook him a bit but he did not respond, I started to get worried, and I looked to see if he was breathing; but he was not breathing, I checked his pulse, and I did not get a pulse.

I started to panic a bit and I went to call 911 and my parent’s, I might have performed CPR on him, but I assumed that he had been dead/without oxygen for too long probably; but it did not work.

I felt sad and angry at myself, I probably cried a bit, I felt that it was partly my fault for not noticing the signs that he was near death, when I had tried to wake him up earlier in the dream; I felt that it was my responsibility as the oldest brother to watch out for him and my other brothers.

The dream jumped to an unknown time into the future, probably days or weeks or months later, and I was talking with my mom about the death of my brother GC; I still partly blamed myself, I had not moved on, and I had not properly grieved the loss of my brother GC yet.

I was sad, angry, I hated myself a bit, and I had not forgiven myself yet; and I felt like I had failed my brother GC, my family, myself, and my responsibility as the oldest brother.

I kept having flashbacks of the death of my brother GC, those memories kept haunting me every day & night, those memories would randomly come to my mind throughout the day & night, like I was re-living them all over again; and I probably had moments of crying and trying to figure out what I could do to deal with my failure & make it all stop, and I might have even called out to my dead brother GC and/or whoever/whatever might be listening for help/guidance but that is a wild guess since that it not something that I would probably do.

I woke up while suffering and trying to deal with it all.

The end,

-John Jr 🙂

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