11-5-2013 | Dream Journal | Signing Up For Mental Health Counseling

Institute of Mental Health 8, Nov 06.JPG
Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

I remember part of one interesting dream from last night that felt a bit strange compared to a normal/average dream and/or I felt a bit strange in the dream in a way or ways that I can not describe in words but it was still realistic enough for me to not realize that I was dreaming, but my memory of it is somewhat unclear in a few parts because I wasted time today trying to solve a computer problem (experimenting with upgrading from a Ubuntu Linux LTS (Long-Term Service) Release to a Ubuntu Linux Normal Release to see how reliable upgrading is, but the system failed to boot afterward like GRUB got corrupted or something like that so it was not reliable as possibly expected; and so I am testing ways to fix this so that I can help people with this problem in the future who have Ubuntu Linux installed and/or I will try another operating system like Linux Mint Debian instead to see if it is a better alternative) instead of recording or thinking about my dream; and so parts of this dream will be missing.

I remember being in a multi-story building on the first floor and for some unknown and/or known reason(s) I think that I was there to sign up for mental health counseling for help with anxiety and depression again and down one of the hallways there was an office that was probably behind half or mostly glass walls/windows on the left, on the right there was an office that you could walk inside where most of the office space in the room was behind a large wooden desk that probably had some sliding glass windows at the top to protect the workers, and this large desk probably blocked you from walking into the rest of the office.

I think that this part of the building or this building was supposed to be the D Mental Health Clinic even though it looked nothing like it and it was way bigger than it, there were more parts to this building that made it seem like this was the mental health clinic area but maybe there was a hospital in the building as well and some other types of areas that I did not get to see but I am not sure, and through some of the glass parts of the shared wall with the office on the left I saw my former mental health counselor Mrs. J standing near a desk alone; and the office on the left was larger than the office on the right and it had more desks, but I only remember seeing my former counselor Mrs. J in the office and so I assumed that the other workers were on their lunch breaks or something like that.

I hoped that my former mental health counselor Mrs. J would not see me as I walked to the office on the right that had an open door and so I tried to hide behind the non-glass parts of the wall as I stood in the doorway of the office on the right, I saw several female workers in the office on the right who all might have had whitish colored skin with long brownish and blackish and blondish colored hair but one of the them might have had brownish colored skin with blackish colored hair, and I told one of the female workers that I wanted to sign up for counseling for help with anxiety and depression and I told her that I had received counseling here before back in 2011 (I probably felt like it was time to get some help again finally, and I hoped that I would get some real/helpful/effective counseling/help this time because that is what I probably need to help me move forward).

I told her my name so that she could look up my records in their computer database, she found my records and she started signing me up to receive counseling again, and I saw two of the other female workers staring at me (maybe smiling and whispering and maybe giggling a bit) talking to each other like they were talking about me; and I heard one of the female workers say: “He’s a two.” to the other female worker.

I assumed either that meant how mentally/emotionally stable she was guessing that I was, with one being most stable and two being pretty stable so maybe she was guessing that I would probably easily and quickly improve with a bit of counseling, or she was rating me by how attractive/good-looking/sexy/whatever she thought that I was but I was not sure; and so I assumed that my first guess was correct because I expected them to be more professional than that.

I glanced through the glass parts of the walls on the office on the left a few times still hiding from my former counselor Mrs. J but at some point I decided to stop hiding and so I stood where she could see me, she saw me and she smiled and she waved at me and she made a facial expression that showed that she was surprised to see me and that she had been a bit disappointed by how I stopped showing up for counseling without warning back in 2011 but she was happy that I was back again (I stopped going to the mental health clinic without warning back then for a variety of reasons such as it was not very helpful (no real counseling and only one counselor, no doctors physically there, et cetera), except for the peer group and the Fluxoetine (which definitely helped with my depression, basically stopping it, but it only helped my anxiety a bit) until the negative side effects/affects/reactions/whatever started, and how the doctor who(m) I only would meet over the internet started to become a bit mean/rude/insulting until my anxiety got worse enough until I stopped going to the mental health clinic without warning because I was too uncomfortable/nervous to even say goodbye but now I wish that I would have had someone let them know on my behalf and I wish that I would have continued to meet with the peer group) , and I smiled and I shrugged my shoulders and I waved back at her.

The female worker who was signing me up finished and she told me that I was signed up for counseling again and that they had a room for me, and she handed me a uniform that was folded and I was supposed to go to the bathroom to put the uniform on; but I was confused about the uniform because normally there is no uniforms and because normally you only come briefly for counseling or medicine pick up or peer group meetings or to see your doctor over the internet because they do not have any doctors who are physically there et cetera and you leave.

The female worker explained that all patients/clients/whatever now lived/stayed in the building in rooms/bedrooms/dorm rooms/whatever until they finished their counseling successfully, they now had bathrooms with showers for us, they now had a cafeteria for us, they now had a nurse/medicine/doctor station for us, they now had recreational areas for us, they now had classrooms and educational classes for us, and they now had counselors and nurses and doctors and janitors and maybe security guards et cetera to provide mental and emotional and physical and social care for us to my surprise; and so I was shocked, especially because this was probably free for low-income/lower-class/poor/no-income people like me, and so I accepted the uniform and I went to the bathroom to put it on.

The men’s bathroom had showers like the female worker had said and no one was in the bathroom at first but then a police officer or security guard with dark brownish colored skin wearing a police or security guard hat came into the bathroom with a blackish colored assault rifle-like gun that looked like maybe a M4 Carbine, he looked at me like he was trying to decide if I was crazy or not and so I smiled at him and I said hello, and he decided that I was probably not crazy and so he put his assault rifle-like gun on the sink which I thought was dangerous; and he walked into one of the bathroom stalls, watching me at first to make sure that I did not go for his gun, and then he went inside the stall when he knew that I was not going for his gun.

I took this time to change into the uniform now that I had some privacy, I might have quickly used the bathroom afterward, and then I washed my hands avoiding the gun; and then I walked back into the hallway to let the female worker know that I had my uniform on (which might have been a nice neutral colored (maybe creamy grayish colored) long sleeve formal-type pajama/prison-like shirt with whitish colored trim with matching formal pajama/prison-like pants), and she then walked me to the nurse/medicine/doctor station that was on the same hall on the left side of the hall.

There were nurses/doctors in this room and one of the nurses asked me what was my name and I told her, and she looked up my records and then she gave me two bottles of medicine in a plastic zip-lock bag; and I assumed that one of the bottles of medicine was probably 20mg of Fluoxetine like I used to take last time but I was not sure what the second bottle of medicine might be, and I wondered how were they giving me medicine when the doctor had not seen me yet to decide if I needed it still or not and so I said so but the nurse told me that is what my records had listed as what I was supposed to take/be given (though she did not say the names of the medicines).

I walked off with the bag of medicine and I was told that it was time to eat/drink in the cafeteria that was across the same hall on the right, and so I went to eat/drink in the cafeteria; and I met some other patients there, one of them was a man who reminded me of my former classmate KC, and the other patient was a tall quiet man (maybe Frankenstein-like) who followed the other man like a goon/lackey/henchman/bodyguard/follower.

The man who reminded me of my former classmate KC seemed like a bit of a trouble-maker like my former classmate KC used to be, he did all the talking while the other man stayed quiet, and after we ate/drank the man and his follower showed me around a few areas; but they were mostly areas that we probably were not supposed to go to, the last area was a mostly empty white room with a birthday cake in the center of the room on the floor maybe, and a birthday party for one of the patients was going to take place there later and no one was supposed to enter the room until then and so I told the man that we were not supposed to be in the room but he did not care.

The cake probably had various sliced fruits (maybe kiwis, mandarin oranges, strawberries, et cetera) on it and whitish colored icing and it looked good, I told the man not to mess with the cake and that we should leave but he refused to leave, and so I told him that I was leaving and I left; and then I went to meet my new counselor in the office where I signed up at earlier, I was hoping that it was not my former counselor Mrs. J (I liked her as a person but she was not much of a counselor/did not really do much counseling in my opinion), and my new counselor was maybe the female worker who had signed me up maybe or she looked like her.

We walked and talked as she led me to an indoor jungle-like park inside the building that had a mini-mountain/hill-like that you could walk up, small water falls, small ponds, maybe water mist areas, jungle-like plants, and even small gorillas to my surprise who lived in the park without cages; and I saw other patients there with their counselors, and oddly they were taking turns giving each other massages with blueish colored spiky dryer balls and it looked a bit inappropriate because it seemed a bit too sexual/whatever.

I mentioned this to my counselor and she said that this was one of several forms of therapy that they have found to be effective for patients like me who are pretty stable with low-level emotional/mental problems like depression/anxiety, she said that the unstable patients with moderate to severe mental/emotional problems do not respond to this type of therapy, and she said that patients like me usually find this type of therapy to be very relaxing.

As I was glancing around at the other patients and counselors enjoying massaging each other with the dryer balls in various positions, my counselor suddenly started massaging my back with a dryer ball to my surprise, and part of me resisted but it felt pretty good; and so I was conflicted about it, it seemed a bit inappropriate, and so I needed time to work up to it or get used to it or to decide how I really felt about it.

I told my counselor this and I asked her if we could walk and talk instead because I needed more time to think about/learn about that type of therapy but I did think that it seemed interesting and relaxing and felt good, she said yes, and we started walking and talking through the beautiful indoor jungle-like park passing a few gorillas who would move out of our way as we passed; and my counselor said the name of each gorillas as we passed by them, so they all had names, but I can not remember their names.

After walking through the jungle-like parts we walked up a trail up the mountain-like part that had a good view of the entire indoor park, I was amazed by this indoor park and by how effective that dryer ball massage form of therapy seemed, and so I looked forward to coming here more often.

At some point we left the indoor park and I got my schedule/supplies/book-bag for the educational classes that I was to attend each day, and then I walked to the upper floors looking for my classes.

I remember trying to find one of my classes but I was having a hard time trying to find it, at some point I went inside a class that had already started, and some of my former classmates were in the class like maybe BH; and there was a female teacher teaching, I looked at my schedule, and I realized that this was the wrong class and so I left to find the correct class.

I remember passing and glancing into one classroom at least three times but I did not hear anything and the right side of the room was empty and so I assumed that was not the correct classroom, after searching several halls and maybe floors I still could not find the classroom, and so I went back to the classroom that I thought was empty; and I glanced at the left side of the classroom, and a class was taking place to my surprise but for some reason you could not hear it outside even with the door open and the right side of the classroom was empty for some reason.

I looked at my schedule and this was the correct class, a female teacher with whitish colored skin with long blondish colored hair pinned up in somewhat of a bun(?) wearing black colored glasses was teaching, and once again some of my former classmates where in the class and some unknown students as well; and so I walked toward the desks near where an annoying looking woman with whitish colored skin wearing makeup with long blondish colored hair who seemed mean was sitting near some other students, and she made a mean comment at me like: “Look it is a nerdy looking man. or Look it is a nerdy looking man with glasses.” or something like that.

I did not let her rude comment bother me and I smiled and I laughed, and I said something like: “This nerdy looking man is about to sit near you, so get used to it. or This nerdy looking man with glasses is about to sit near you, so get used to it.”.

The woman looked annoyed and she smacked her lips while probably chewing bubble gum as I sat down behind her, I realized that I could not see the teacher or the board well like maybe I was really wearing glasses and my vision was not so good surprisingly (like in real life), and so I had to get up to move closer to where I could see better; and I told the annoying woman that she was lucky that my eyes are bad or I would still be sitting near her, not that I wanted to sit next to her annoying, and she replied back with an annoying comment that I ignored.

I sat further up where I could see and I got my supplies ready as I started to listen to the teacher hoping to learn something, and I was exciting and looking forward to all of my classes and learning all that I could; and I was liking this mental health clinic so much that I felt that I would probably want to live there permanently, but I woke up.

The end,

-John Jr

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