Elaine

File:Elaine Sandys.jpg
Source: Wikimedia Commons

Yesterday I was walking outside when a bug flew in my eye causing me to try to quickly get my eyeglasses off but I accidentally cracked one of the arms of my glasses when doing this, so I had to tape it and order some new glasses online, and hope that they survive for two weeks until my new slightly larger glasses arrive (the Zenni Optical Rectangle Eyeglasses 125116).

I did not voice record some of my dreams as usual last night, I have to get out of bed and walk to the living room to voice record my dreams so that I do not disturb other people who are sleeping, and so half of the time I do not voice record my dreams during the night so I forget some of my dreams and I forget some parts of the dreams that I do remember; and so now I can only remember part of several dreams from last night.

Dream 1

All that I can remember of this dream from last night is that I probably remember hearing music and it was probably the song Utopia by the music group Goldfrapp from their music album Felt Mountain:

The lyrics to Utopia according to Google Play Music:

Lyrics

It’s a strange day
No colors or shapes
No sound in my head
I forget who I am

When I’m with you
There’s no reason
There’s no sense

I’m not supposed to feel
I forget who I am
I forget

Fascist baby
Utopia, utopia

My dog needs new ears
Make his eyes see forever
Make him live like me
Again and again

Fascist baby
Utopia, utopia

I’m wired to the world
That’s how I know everything
I’m super brain
That’s how they made me

Fascist baby
Utopia, utopia

Written by Elliot John Gleave, Lucas Van Scheppingen • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

But that is all that I can remember of this dream.

Dream 2

I am not sure if this was part of the third dream or part of a separate dream, and so I will type it as its own dream.

All that I can remember of this dream or this part of a dream is that it involved anxiety including generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder, but I can not remember if it was about my struggles with it and/or someone else’s struggle with it and/or if this dream was just about this topic.

But that is all that I can remember of this dream or this part of a dream.

Dream 3

All that I can remember of this dream is that it took place during maybe a somewhat gray day and that a fictional woman with whitish-color skin named Elaine was connected to things throughout this entire dream, the name Elaine came up many times in the dream, and Elaine was what connected various dream characters to each other.

Elaine was like a combination of Mrs. E from the LCS Job Center (employment agency) in the city of D combined with one or more women I know and maybe a woman I do not know.

I remember thinking of fictional past memories that involved Elaine, I think that she knew my dad and several other people like Mrs. CH (the mother of my former male classmate DH), and through one of these connections I was introduced to Elaine when she needed help with something (maybe she needed her computer fixed or something like that).

So in my false memories I went to Elaine’s house several times to help her with some things, I was probably introduced to her son who was about my age, and sometimes I would visit them at their house like I was a friend of the family.

But somehow we had not seen or communicated with each other in many years, those were old memories, and I wondered what they were doing now and why did we all lose contact with each other.

My memory is too flawed but during the dream I remember meeting my former male classmates JC and DH, but I can not remember any of the details other than talking with them.

I remember meeting Elaine for the first time in many years, and I also met Mrs. CH and Mrs. Elaine probably invited me and the others to her house.

Elaine lived near a pond in a field in a multi-story apartment-like house, and I remember talking with them about old memories and what has happened in our lives over the years since we last saw each other.

I remember feeling nostalgia and many other emotions/feelings, including a few mixed feelings that I could not quite translate or understand, and I got to meet Elaine’s son again for the first time in years inside the house on an upper floor.

I remember talking to him and I remember something about martial arts and political activism, possibly violent activism, and I did not want any part in violent activism so there was some disagreement about that and I refused to take part so he was angry about that.

After talking with Elaine’s son I remember Mrs. CH and one or more other women telling me that they always felt that Elaine’s son and I had a connection, they said that after all of these years that we were both single and married, and they took this as a sign that maybe we should start dating.

I was confused by this because my sexual orientation is heterosexual and I can not see myself ever trying a homosexual or bisexual relationship and I am not sexually attracted to men and I am only sexually attracted to women in real life/daydreams/dreams/et cetera so this made no sense to me, and I was even more confused that people like them would even suggest this to me.

I tried to keep an open mind and think back and think deeply to see if there was any truth to their statements to make sure that I was not wrong about this, I tried to explore memories and feelings/emotions past and present and think of future scenarios, but I could not find anything except for some of those confused mixed feelings that I mentioned earlier and feelings of nostalgia about the past so their thoughts and suggestions still made no sense to me so I told them this.

Even after explaining this to them and thinking deeply about it they still felt that they were correct, I disagreed with them and I told them this, and I was still confused by this.

I saw myself as a past family friend of Elaine and her son, that was all, and my sexual orientation has always been heterosexual and I never see that changing and I have no interest in experimenting.

Even after telling them this I still was so confused and surprised by them even suggesting this because they know me and they should know that their suggestion makes no sense and because this was not something that I would ever expect from them, and so I continued thinking about this trying to make sense of why they would even think of something like this and suggest something like this but I woke up.

If I had awakened a bit later I wonder if I would have realized that the reason this all made no sense is because it was a dream, or would I still have been so confused and surprised that I still would not have realized that I was dreaming?

The end,

-John Jr

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